


Goodbye Letter

by zeldspellman



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 09:55:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18466588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeldspellman/pseuds/zeldspellman
Summary: Alice writes a letter to FP before leaving for the farm





	Goodbye Letter

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea if I'll write a second chapter or not, let's see how this plays out. I just feel like Alice has so many feelings and we'll never know how she actually feels

_ Dear  Fp _

_ God this is so stupid to me, I don't even know where to start. I think you deserve an explanation tho and I don't wanna get in the way of your life. I don't know if I can do it. If I can even put everything into words. I shove our past way deep down Fp, I couldn't think about it and it hurted to think about it, not only because of Charles but because of everything... I never stopped loving you. I thought you were long gone with your drinking but then you came back and you were  _ you _ again. Jason Blossom happened and you went to jail, and I acted like I hated you when all I was looking for was excuses so I wouldn't fall into temptation ever again. It hurted to be around you, but I wanted to be around you. When Betty came to me and said she found our son, I just had to see him, I needed to make sure he was okay and it pained me even more to see the life Chic was living, and it was all my fault. I had to save him no matter what because he was the son I abandoned and knew nothing about love because of  _ me.  _ Chic was the excuse I needed to always have you close and god knows how safe I felt...when I finally embraced my Southside origins, it felt right, to go to you again, to settle in your arms one more time and feel loved, it was never like that with Hal. But I was wrong and once again you turned me down and you, the only constant thing I thought I had, pushed me away for the second time. I realized there and then that I was unlovable and I let Hal into my head again. But I wasn't worthy of love or happiness and everything made sense after I found out the horrible thing I did to our baby. I killed Charles. I turned him away twice and he died. I needed you collecting the pieces and once again you did, you hugged me so tight that night, but I knew I wasn't worthy of that, so I came back to what I thought I deserved: Hal. My husband turned out to be a serial killer and all I wanted was to be with you, to have you comforting me again but no, I told myself:  _ Alice, he can't love a monster like you, that killed his child, _ and Polly came, and the farm, and it felt so good to see Charles. It felt so good that it numbed my pain, clouded my judgement. I felt so close to Charles that I could finally be with you, no guilt involved this time. No Hal to cheat, no dead sons to think about because he wasn't dead, I could see him, talk to him, hug him. I was numbed and I thought it was happiness. But of course I still wasn't worthy of love so it was taken from me for the third time, and listening to you saying how Gladys was the mother of your children made me realize how I was never the mother of your son. I have to escape and that's why I'm leaving. Forever. I'm sorry, but I need Charles and I can't lose him, not again. I hope you have a happy life, with your kids. It's all I ever wanted for you. _

_ All my love, _

_ Alice. _


End file.
